Baahh..

Saarang 2006 is over. My digestive juices are longer working 'coz five days on continuous hogging on junk has left my tummy crying and my room stinky...(sorry but I cant help but mention such stuff...come on..it's in me for heavens sake!!) Ya, so where were we..? Ahaan, the meals..okay lets pack that coz talking alot about the gross stuff has kind of given rise to loads of 'no comments' and loads of no comments!!
Anyways, quizzes starting in a couple of weeks and I have no clue how 'm gonna start planning my mug sessions. I've seen a bit of lib now but cant get over the fact that I stayed away from it for so long...5 freakin' days...DAMN..!! Anyways, time lost is lost...and time that is left is waiting to be lost...naaahh..bad attitude..should be like this..time lost was fun, the time that is left will be fun too..!!
But infact I'm kinda happy that Saarang is over (okay...please dont kill me for saying that!!) But the work that had been done for that left all of us exhausted. Less than a meal a day, 3-4 hours of sleep, working on ur knees for hours...I mean come on man, who wouldnt want the pleasure of a soft bed at the end of the day...with a soft toy..(ok, perverted minds stay out...I meant my purple soft toy donkey with which I sleep every night, the best night partner I've ever had!!! PS: I havent tried many though, there was once a cow, once a teddy and once a fish-a bright yellow and orange one!! )
Hah..again digressed off the track..thats fine...'m too used to myself!!
SO guys, hold on to ur books and notebooks (if u have any) coz the mug ride has started!!!
KABOOOMMM!!! (well..thats whats gonna happen in a couple of weeks from now!!)
All the best...

M(ost) U(nbelieving) C(atastrophe) U('d ever) S(ee)

Yet another gross one..!!

It was 3.23 am by my watch. Everything was darkand I am all snuggled up in my white bedsheet. And there was a heavy traffic jam in my left nostrill. Yeah...I've got a really bad cold...The right one was very clear...but that too was creating a problem. Anyways, I got up and applied some Vicks Vaporub (Ek dava chhe asar!!). The best thing about it is that it clears the passage instantly and if you rub it on your forehead, throat and chest..its even better. So I do so..but I forgot to mention one important thing..rubbing it over ur eyes may cause irritation and even tears...But I like an idiot happily rub my eyes after applying it. (I still remember the day I made a pizza out of my eye by rubbing in paparika-ed and origano-ed fingers into my eyes..!!)

Okay, this is not good...tears flowing out of my eyes..I bet they looked like one mad man's.
To add to the fizz, the mucus of my nose "melted" away, resulting in a reduced viscosity and density...Stuff trickling down my eyes and nose...streaming towards my mouth and before I could dig in for my hanky...Shit!! Warm..Salty...mmm.. Holy crap!! I need a hanky!!...I need a bloody hanky!!...somebody gimme a hanky...pleeeezzzz...!! Suddenly out of nowhere I realise Ive caught hold of a hanky.. And I blow out with as much thrust I can into my hanky..AAAHHH...relief!!! The left was still blocked and the right giving way to cold hair hitting my inner nose like a chilly wind of -13.5 deg C...(okay, that was an exaggeration!!) But it was pretty painful..so I sleep on my right side to move the mucus to my right one so that there would be some relief to my poor little left one!! Its working..yea..its working..I could feel the mucus flowing from the left to the right side and a small miniature vaccum being created in the left one..man..!! This mucus is f****** thick, slimy...For a split second I felt cold air enter my left one..and it was heavenly..turst me..I smiled like a teenage kid being gifted a bike!! But..wait..no no..please don't go...this is impossible...NAAA...the mucus reversed its track and went back settling into the left one..blocking it again...My mucus just proved Newton wrong..I saw anti-gravity in my nose..Whoa!!!
And then again...it moved on to my right one..and I dunno for how long this juggling continued 'coz I guess that would've been the worrssht thing to concentrate on. Last thing I remember, before falling off to a snore, was that there was a thin film of mucus going up and down my left one as i breathed.

PS:The hanky i had caught hold of was infact my bed sheet!!! And I have put it for washing..may the mucus rest in peace...

The Ultimate pleasure of life (err…morning!!)

PS:WARNING!! DANGER!! AAHH..ANYTHING TO WARD OFF READERS WITH EVEN SLIGHTLY WEAK STOMACHS...PLEASE DON'T READ THIS IF YOU FOUND THE 'ITCH' POST HORRID...THIS WILL KILL YOU THEN!! I know this is the grossest post I've ever written, but nevertheless I've enjoyed it the most till date. I am the way I am..so please excuse me!! Now you'll know why 'm called SHIT...enjoy reading... :)

Its 6.27 in the morning. I am on my bed, eyes wide open. Though my alarm is set for 6.30, I still have this urge to switch it off when it shrieks in my ear. But today’s kinda different. The air of the room does not feel that good. Reason, I have been farting like a cow who had a delicious dinner of fresh onions, garlics and turnips. And the bacteria have done their work, mind it ! Aaahh…its really relieving when that small gush of (not so pleasant) air comes out through that hole. Inference of the whole description, the morning air aint that fresh today !!!

I suddenly feel something in my tummy. Hmm…funky feeling!! Looks like something cooking in there…oh shit..!! I sprang up with a jerk, frantically looking for that white bottle of dettol hand wash. My room-mate knows, I am on my way!!

I have heard people say – ‘When a man has to go, he has to go’. Well, now I shall do some contribution to it – ‘When DJ has to go, she has to go’. This 25 meters to the bogs seems like 25 miles to me. I sprint wildly like Marion Jones, just hoping for it not to come out in the middle of my journey !!

Finally, I reach my destination – the bogs !! Aah..what a lovely place man has created for early-morning-tensed souls like me. I just love the guy who came up with the concept. Anywyas, I keep the bottle of dettol on the slab and make my way through to the second one from the left (Well, I like this one coz here is where I first donated when I came here). I pull down every piece of cloth below my waist and sit down in the usual position (Though I love experimenting with various ways to sit, today is not the day to do that). Nobody can ignore the one kilometer smile on my face when the first bit comes out. But considering the fact that I am alone in the toilet, nobody actually notices it. I giggle, my heart exhilarating with sudden gush of immense joy. My senses suddenly rise from slumber. I can smell it now. I can see its colour clearly. Huh…it feels so amazing !!

One of the only reasons I have dinner at the very famous Dhaaba is due to the potpourri of colours the food, and the ‘then’ food, has. I clearly remember, I had Palak Paneer and Paneer Butter masala. For salad, cucumbers and beet roots, pretty colorful. The first one piece of shit (literally, this time..) that comes out with a wet fart. It is green, dark olive green. Its slimy, embedded with light green bubbles. It’s a small blob of semi-solid, looks scary though ! What did the bloody bacteria in my stomach do the food, I wonder. Well, now its time for the second one. Holy shit…this one took a hell lot of time to come out, about 3 seconds. This one was purplish green, maybe due to the beet roots that I had eaten last night. But no bubbles this time. Just pieces of undigested cucumber and peas. Density seems lighter than water. Texture – perfect !! Eeueeu..!! Not very scintillating for my nose though. Smells gross, and as if reading my mind, it sheepishly slips into the pot-hole without even sticking to the shiny pot the maid had cleaned last night.

Hmm…slight pressure released. I am on the cloud nine. Feeling free like a person who has just made his way out of the public toilet. But here the case is kinda opposite. I wonder why people give me that gross look when I say that I like spending time in the bogs. I mean, every single time I go for a visit to the toilet, my room-mate invariably says, “See ya in 15 mins, or maybe more!!!(Giggle.. giggle!!)”. Well well, as far as I am concerned, I don’t really care about how much time I spend in there. Believe me, its worth the happiness and satisfaction !

Now, its getting hot, kinda burning. The Dhaaba’s food had lots of spices. After spending some 14 mins in here, its time to go back. Damn !! Its washing time now. My mom had always told me to wash it with my left hand, but I always used the right one. I switched hands when I came here, dunno why. I open the tap and let the water come out. I wait for the red bucket to get completely filled up. That’s a practice I usually follow. After it is filled up, I dip both my hands into it and then start the ritual. The blue mug is generally kept beside it, so I fill it up – three-quarters full. Then I pour a little water into my left hand that is in the shape of a cup, stretch it backwards and wipe it off. Its very funny why the Americans use tissue paper to wipe it off. That way they never get to know the density, texture and temperature of the shit. It’s a really nice feeling to wash it slowly and steadily, feeling each and every granule of the ‘food of the past’. And when I have diarrhoea, its even better !!

The work is done. I am content. Tummy’s great, heart’s elated. I open the latch with my right hand and shoot straight towards the wash basin. Washing my hands is another great thing. Once that I done, I hop towards my room, my face shining with the joy of glory!!