It has hit me!

I always wondered why people driving cars go zooming past when there is no need for any kind of hurry, I mean sharp turns, sudden brakes etc. One of my friends had once told me that when you start driving you are way too cautions. As time passes, you become more reckless and rash! I didn't believe it untill this very moment!
My worst driving ever!
My worst decisions ever!
Had my father been beside me, he would have kicked me so hard that I would've remembered it all my life!
But nothing to worry, nothing bad happened, just a few sharp turns and sudden brakes.
I wish I was a little more careful, 'coz introspection is something that annoys me, more so 'coz I always do it!

Dum dum dum...

And the God kicked my Bum!
:D

Not good

Being optimistic by nature, I used to think that everything happening around me is good.
But now I can't take it anymore. Stuff happening to me is not really the kind I'd want anyone to go through. It's painful.
And I don't like it.
I really don't like it, knowing the fact that all I can do about it is brood and crib. Nothing more, nothing less.
It sucks.
Bigtime!

The wait, awfully long wait..

I've never wanted these two months to go by any faster than this. That too when the holidays are going on. Holidays, as taught/learnt/experienced so far, are sometimes when one gets to relax and take all the time off the main course work. Somehow, thees holidays are doing everything thing to me except the things I just mentioned.
IITD, Germany, IITD, Germany..it feels like my life has been revolving around these words since I came over to Delhi. Oh yes! And GRE too. And passport, VISA, VFS, Immigration Office, Offer letter. In the most desperate way, my ears don't want any of these any more!
Last semester has been much of a roller coaster ride. The initial disappointment of not getting any good internship in any of the millions of universities, rejection letters filled with no funding, no time, no vacancy...Then the faint glint of hope all the way from Germany, then the initial confusion, exchange of a zillion mails...VISA submission, application form confusion, place confusion. I truly believe that that one form of mine was an exhaustive set of all sets of confusions possible! Funny as it may sound like, unfortunately, its nowhere even in the vicinity of being funny.
Well, there are times when I just feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. No happiness, no sadness, no anger, no satisfaction, no regret, nothing! Yet, I hope. I hope that something someday might happen which could change all of this. I wish I could feel happy/sad/angry, whatever, for just one brief moment without thinking about whats going to happen the moment I stop smiling, or screaming, or being gloomy as hell. Scoring probably the highest in the class has still somehow not given me the kick it always used to give. Maybe its the times, maybe its just me.
I wish it were only the times and nothing else, 'coz I'm still optimistic about them changing. But if its me, its more serious that this. Or maybe not. I don't want to do anything, I just don't feel like doing anything constructive. Yet, when I actually don't do anything, I start feeling bad about not doing what I could have done when I choose not to do it. Yeah, well, funny as it may sound (yet again!), its not!
What now!?
Bed or Comp?
We'll see..

True things

Right now, someone is really sad and someone is really happy!
Yeah, everyone knows it, I'm just putting it into words. Apart from the fact that I'm bored.
Bahh..!

Funny!

Few things always make me smile/laugh/giggle. And its not that its 'coz they've been told the first time, its just an every time thing! Three years into my precursor of an Engineering career, and my mother still thinks that I've got nut equivalents in my brain. Its kinda normal when you think of it. People close to you rarely admire you to the extent those who aren't close enough. Well I'm not the one dying for admiration or attention here but what I just said was absolute crap. I have no clue why I wrote that so as everyone can see, the summer heat is taking its toll on me. Damn the sun, damn the tripping a/c (well, literally, when it sees me shuffle between rooms to get some comfort!).
I'm in a brooding mood.

It's hot.
My mother says I have meagre chances of getting a good guy considering the fact that the ones already around me don't particulary create even a ripple!
I'm getting old, ok, almost old.
It's hot.
Germans are troubling me. Ok, not generalizing but I mean the Embassy guys.
Delhi water has too much Chlorine, my hair doesn't shine and bounce.
It's hot.

Ok, now the good things:
I'm hot.
It rained here, just now, mildish hairstorm.
I've got a cold but its fun irritating people around.
I'm hot.
Good food. Awesome food. Amazing food.
No TV so no headache!
Did I mention I'm hot! :D (I so love doing it!)

Thats it. By and large, my life's is just too good! Really. No sarcasm this time.

PS: I'm so sure I'll be getting comments like "Stop being such a narcissist!" and "Why brooding so much?".
:D Its fun when you can predict things, oh my, I really am bloody good!

:)

Definition of the very famous 'Royal Shove'

1. Code doesn't work, infact gives values of the order of 601 for a 0.5 m wave!
2. You think you are getting enough money for one month to spend, but then you figure out that the sum was for 2 months total!
3. Prof gives you a chapter, so that you can read it and make notes for 'him' so that he can teach the next batch.
4. Prof screams at his assistant about leaving the windows open 'coz the room sticks of sweat! In your presence that is..
5. The prof whom you need to talk desperately regarding a very important issue is either busy/gone for lunch/in a seminar/in HOD's office..basically never available!
6. You always get interrupted when you are talking in terms of i's and j's on a staggered grid scheme with linearized shallow water equation.
7. You puke!
8. Bad hair day!
9. Bad head day for all that is.
10. You have to give a presentation on an unknown topic, for unknown time with some unknown guy.
11. You are jittery, and you don't know if its the hormones or the people around you. Both are irritating.
12. There is always a lot of work on the other side, the moment you go nearer, either you don't feel like doing it/or you just happily ignore its existence. And then suddenly before sleeping, you again realize how much work is left undone.
13. THERE ARE BLOODY 13 POINTS!!!!

cheers cheers!
:)

Change

Yeah, well, I changed the title of my blog. From the highly introspective and philosophical tag-line to the simplest one that came to my head.
Who cares!?
I'm tired of running around, tired of having people around, tired of answering unnecessary questions that they ask.
The most difficult thing in this world today is not the things we think are. Its not achieving success, not falling in love, not being happy, but infact is being left alone when one wants to. My door is open, but its open for me to go out and come in, not for just anyone to walk in whenever they want. They should realise this. Unfortunately, what they are interested in is what I'm doing, whom I'm chatting with, what I'm chatting about, which books I'm reading!!
Just because I talk to them politely doesn't mean they take me for granted for everything.
The only thing thats holding me up, is the fact that I know I wont stick with these people for the rest of my life. And I know I'll end up forgetting them. So will they. Thats a fact no one wants to accept but they all know that deep inside.
A little self control at this point may be troublesome, but helpful for the long run.
I'm trying not to let my bubble burst!

Thud!

PS: I'm not depressed, I'm not in a pathetic state. Nothing's wrong with me. All I'm doing is thinking aloud. Its just a part of the normal introspection process. So please please, don't drop comments like "Hey, whats wrong?" etc etc.

Later..
:)

Final destination

Today, I did what I had dreamed of doing from the time I began jogging.
GC-Main gate-GC-OED-Gurunath... Nonstop!
Phew, it didnt look that long when I was actually jogging! ;)

Great going, dj!

My deteriorating level

One of my friends showed me a downloaded pic of Anna Kournikova. My first reaction was "why on Earth has he named a female's pic as Anna?" PS: I thought it was 'Anna' of Tamil language meaning Brother!

Note:

The only good things happening in my life right now are that I am single and jogging regularly!
Isn't life great ?!?

For the previous post

For some who want to know it all, the last post was a real-life experience!
I rarely make up stories for subjects which are closest to my heart!
(Or should I use another organ's name! Well, I'll leave it for a few creative minds)

Enjoy :)

I'm back!!

Beware!
Don't read unless you know ME really well!

Okay, enough of warning..I'm kinda sick of giving them though!

So here I go!

Few facts about Shit and the process involved in doing it:-

1) It always comes when you are driving at 80kmph on a really amazing flyover at 7.15 am. You are 20 minutes away from home.
2) The moment you step into the house, its gone! (Sucked up by some inexplicable and uncontrollable force that has decided to punish you for a crime you committed the previous night, actually two nights back...mmm..well, I think its a mixture!)
3) When you are there in the proper position, it refuses to come out!
4) Once it comes out, the phone rings or there is someone at the door.
5) The moment you go out to get hold of the rascal trying to disturb you in the middle of your holy ceremony, it turns out that the rascal doesn't even know you (Either wrong number or a bunch of kids trying to have some fun with the door bell!!)
6) Coz its winters, by the time you are back, the seat is ice cold again!
7) It refuses to come out again! Gotta do something to please it out!
8) Again, as I said before, as it is winters, the water too is freezing!
9) Somehow, the toilet paper is finished!
10) Yes, I am obsessed. Yes, I gotta go..

Itsy coldy coldy, pappy!

Okay okay, let me face the critics first! (Though I know not many people would be reading this, but just to be on the safe side..)
The title- Yes! I know its pathetic. The reason being that it was derived from my status msg on gtalk, which infact was derived from a spontaneous remark by yours truly when a icy gust of wind caught my face!
The tone- Yeah yeah, very very very very kiddish! Bah, who cares! (btw, pappy=father)

So coming back, today was a good day, great infact. I got up early in the morning and drove at around 80kmph at seven 0 clock in the morning. Sure, there were lots of other events in between my getting up and driving, but I chose not to give the details. For many, 80kmph is not a big deal! But considering the facts that I've not been driving for very long, I ususally never cross (read: not allowed to cross) 60kmph and that my father was sitting beside me in the car reading the newspaper (luckily), I felt rather surprised and satisfied after my odessey (big word for a small thing! Bah, who cares!).

Its cold, real cold, I mean real real cold! And my extremeties are rather sensitive and tend to go numb. By extremeties I mean fingers and toes. Temperatures dropping to over 5 degrees here in Delhi, its best not to come out of your socks and cap! Though I still cant see the fog, smog is everywhere! No sun at any time of the day and light wind blowing throughtout the day, enough to make a chic freeze!

Holy crap! I cant feel my toes, chaa, time to take my feet for a hot water n steam bath! :)

Coffee stirred Night

Soemtimes, time really flies fast. It has never happened before but this semester has been the fastest semester of my life. Considering the fact that we've been kept busy with loads of assignments, lab reports, quizzes, and all the other stuff anyone could think of for an "engineering student", I really feel drained, drained as never before...So much so that now that I look back at the past 5 months, it looks like I've been slogging for ages, yet its a blink of an eye.

I am desperate.
Not desperate to eat.
Not desperate to drink.
Not desperate to go to bed.
I'm just desperate to live, and all I want at the end of the day is a few spare minutes alone...with myself, with life!

And yeah, I wanna go home!

So even though our exams and all that crap was supposed to get over on the last and final day of college ergo 30th of November, unofficially its still on..on, like it has always been over the past 5 months. We have 2 huge assignments to submit and there is just no motivation. I dont feel quite good when I write this coz I've been a preacher of "inner motivation" and stuff like that. But still, I do feel pathetic at times.

Yesterday was my last exam. And I was happy. I am happy. Handful of friends including myself, went out to a nearby eating joint and had some pure fun. Did crazy things, sucked on ice cubes numbing our gums so bad that we couldn't speak, drank dark coffee, decided to drink the thick concentrated Expresso 60mL shot the next time we come in coz the person giving the coffee scared us off by saying it was "real strong"..it was great and I've never felt so joyous in a long time now. I wanna feel that way, but somehow it just doesn't get there!

But while going back, just one thought was coming to me over and over again. How long? And I got my answer as soon as I entered my hostel- I had two more assignments to finish before I could sit and think about things that I wanted to think about. Assignements! A piece of filth for the taker and piece of filth for the giver. But its important filth, else we'll get filth in return! So we make filth and give filth. Thats all we do all our bloody lives! DEVIATION FROM THE TOPIC!

Anyways, I'm sitting in the department computer facility and writing this. I stayed up till 6.00am today and slept for about 3 hours in all. Its no big deal here, but the fact that its my third nightout since I've come here, its special. I dont know if I should call it Special Good or Special Bad..it just is! I did have a great time staying up when the world was sleeping, chatting with a friend of mine and cursing the prof who had given us this assignment, moreso agreed to accept the submission after the end semesters (couldn't he have just cancelled the submission!!!)

Right now, or to be specific, some hours back, it would be justified in my saying that I hated my life! But I dont feel it that way now. I dont know what has changed over the past few hours, apart from the fact that I submitted my assignmetns, but still, it doesn't feel that bad anymore. I am exhausted from a "no-sleep-no-food and assignment-submission" combination, my head hurts, my back hurts, my stomach hurts..but life doesn't anymore...and thats whats most important.

I am going home.. and I like it!

The Brain Trail

Yeah yeah, I know its been pretty long since I set fingers on to my keyboard to be directed towards this blog of mine. But considering the fact that I'm in my third year now (which, my dear friends, is no where close to being busy, its actually Lt n->infinity {(very)^n} busy )
Okay, stopping the gibberish, the reason why I was reminded of my blog today was because I just returned from my C slot end semester exam ergo Ocean Wave Hydrodynamics. There cant be a better prof-subject combination that this. The prof is a great guy, i mean literally great and that leads to the subject being even better.
So, our man, in the last class before the 2nd Quiz says "Students, the quiz paper is tough, so please apply your brains and solve it. Once you get the hint, you'll be done with it in no time!" So, before the quiz day I fully brainstormed myself with a dish of arguments, counter arguments, peppered with extra thinking and finally a garnishing of "what if...!!"
Early morning, 8 o clock exam, and the prof hands me over the paper. The beauty of this subject is that the prof gives only one question to solve in one hour and three questions in three hours (ok, that was a redundant statement). Nevertheless, I happily start thriting and wrinking (thinking+writing). After 20 minutes into the paper, like a sudden flash of lightining, a concept strikes me. And it strikes me so hard that I almost jump up from my chair. And with a kilometer wide smile on my face, I complete my paper.
50 minutes down the line, everybody comes out of the exam hall. Like always I start discussing the answers and then suddenly figure out that what I did was way too extra for the problem. Conclusion: I followed exactly what the prof had said, and that too in an intensified manner, APPLIED BRAINS!
Anyways, I was hoping that I'd score less than 50% in that exam, but the prof, as i had mentioned earlier, is a great guy. So I end up scoring 85% and am truly happy.
And this whole story means something - I just gave the proof of something that people say very often: HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF!

Please pray for me!
:)

Heaven and the

One footprint into the wet sand,
A couple more.
I walk beside the shining waters,
A heaven on Earth, the shore!

Moist, salty wind,
Sea mollusks scattered all around,
Some alive, souls of the rest,
I feel free, no longer bound!

Glistening waves, ruffling, rippling.
Touch of the cold bubbles,
Froth floating on twisting curls,
I forget all wordly troubles.

A path sewn to the yellow moon,
Threads of reflection,
The golden ray till eternity,
Is this reality or deception?

Competing with the Sun,
The Orange-yellow sphere of cold fire,
The Moon, rising, shining.
Mind going into a spire!

I spread my arms,
Trying to fly,
Close my eyes,
Giving out a soft cry!

A new wind blows past my face,
One of happiness and hope,
A hand grips mine,
My despair flows down the slope!

A conforting touch,
A cozy hug,
A friendly warmth,
Snug!

Two footprints into the wet sand,
Then four ,
We walk beside the shining waters,
This is reality, I ask for no more!

.........

Mild yellow sunrays break though
the invisible barriers
of baige glass.

But the wind stays
out, making the leaves dance
in a silent chaos.

I can feel the heat, I can't see it
I can see the wind, I can't feel it

The bamboo shoot peeping
through the window,
I look back at it.

It pops back into place,
As if to take a glimpse
of me,
I know its the wind, I don't
want to believe it!

Again, I see it, I can't feel it!

Cotton clouds cover uncover
the sun,
swimming across the blue sky.
Slant rays, they are
Still have the heat, mild, dim

Again I feel it, I can't see it!

Elongating the shadows, moving the leaves
Stretching the limits, mobilising the thoughts.

I see it, I feel it !!

Too long..

The bright red-golden Sun,
The glimmering light in the morning sky,
The white clouds playing hide and seek,
The rays, too long..too long..

The dew like diamonds on the leaves,
The morning wetness suspended in the air,
The delicate tulip still drowzy,
The grass, too long..too long..

The only footprint in the wet mud,
The catterpillar still digging into it,
The small ants walking in a line,
The path, too long..too long..

The walk across the damp woods,
The crush of dry leaves under my foot,
The darkeness creeping into the night,
The nights, too long..too long..

The lonliness settling in the wind,
The void deepening into a hollow,
The sound of silence filling my ears,
The wait, too long..too long..

Heaven and the Footprints

One footprint into the wet sand,
A couple more.
I walk beside the shining waters,
A heaven on Earth, the shore!

Moist, salty wind,
Sea mollusks scattered all around,
Some alive, souls of the rest,
I feel free, no longer bound!

Glistening waves, ruffling, rippling.
Touch of the cold bubbles,
Froth floating on twisting curls,
I forget all wordly troubles.

A path sewn to the yellow moon,
Threads of reflection,
The golden ray till eternity,
Is this reality or deception?

Competing with the Sun,
The Orange-yellow sphere of cold fire,
The Moon, rising, shining.
Mind going into a spire!

I spread my arms,
Trying to fly,
Close my eyes,
Giving out a soft cry!

A new wind blows past my face,
One of happiness and hope,
A hand grips mine,
My despair flows down the slope!

A conforting touch,
A cozy hug,
A friendly warmth,
Snug!

Two footprints into the wet sand,
Then four ,
We walk beside the shining waters,
This is reality, I ask for no more!