Coffee stirred Night

Soemtimes, time really flies fast. It has never happened before but this semester has been the fastest semester of my life. Considering the fact that we've been kept busy with loads of assignments, lab reports, quizzes, and all the other stuff anyone could think of for an "engineering student", I really feel drained, drained as never before...So much so that now that I look back at the past 5 months, it looks like I've been slogging for ages, yet its a blink of an eye.

I am desperate.
Not desperate to eat.
Not desperate to drink.
Not desperate to go to bed.
I'm just desperate to live, and all I want at the end of the day is a few spare minutes alone...with myself, with life!

And yeah, I wanna go home!

So even though our exams and all that crap was supposed to get over on the last and final day of college ergo 30th of November, unofficially its still on..on, like it has always been over the past 5 months. We have 2 huge assignments to submit and there is just no motivation. I dont feel quite good when I write this coz I've been a preacher of "inner motivation" and stuff like that. But still, I do feel pathetic at times.

Yesterday was my last exam. And I was happy. I am happy. Handful of friends including myself, went out to a nearby eating joint and had some pure fun. Did crazy things, sucked on ice cubes numbing our gums so bad that we couldn't speak, drank dark coffee, decided to drink the thick concentrated Expresso 60mL shot the next time we come in coz the person giving the coffee scared us off by saying it was "real strong"..it was great and I've never felt so joyous in a long time now. I wanna feel that way, but somehow it just doesn't get there!

But while going back, just one thought was coming to me over and over again. How long? And I got my answer as soon as I entered my hostel- I had two more assignments to finish before I could sit and think about things that I wanted to think about. Assignements! A piece of filth for the taker and piece of filth for the giver. But its important filth, else we'll get filth in return! So we make filth and give filth. Thats all we do all our bloody lives! DEVIATION FROM THE TOPIC!

Anyways, I'm sitting in the department computer facility and writing this. I stayed up till 6.00am today and slept for about 3 hours in all. Its no big deal here, but the fact that its my third nightout since I've come here, its special. I dont know if I should call it Special Good or Special Bad..it just is! I did have a great time staying up when the world was sleeping, chatting with a friend of mine and cursing the prof who had given us this assignment, moreso agreed to accept the submission after the end semesters (couldn't he have just cancelled the submission!!!)

Right now, or to be specific, some hours back, it would be justified in my saying that I hated my life! But I dont feel it that way now. I dont know what has changed over the past few hours, apart from the fact that I submitted my assignmetns, but still, it doesn't feel that bad anymore. I am exhausted from a "no-sleep-no-food and assignment-submission" combination, my head hurts, my back hurts, my stomach hurts..but life doesn't anymore...and thats whats most important.

I am going home.. and I like it!