The wait, awfully long wait..

I've never wanted these two months to go by any faster than this. That too when the holidays are going on. Holidays, as taught/learnt/experienced so far, are sometimes when one gets to relax and take all the time off the main course work. Somehow, thees holidays are doing everything thing to me except the things I just mentioned.
IITD, Germany, IITD, Germany..it feels like my life has been revolving around these words since I came over to Delhi. Oh yes! And GRE too. And passport, VISA, VFS, Immigration Office, Offer letter. In the most desperate way, my ears don't want any of these any more!
Last semester has been much of a roller coaster ride. The initial disappointment of not getting any good internship in any of the millions of universities, rejection letters filled with no funding, no time, no vacancy...Then the faint glint of hope all the way from Germany, then the initial confusion, exchange of a zillion mails...VISA submission, application form confusion, place confusion. I truly believe that that one form of mine was an exhaustive set of all sets of confusions possible! Funny as it may sound like, unfortunately, its nowhere even in the vicinity of being funny.
Well, there are times when I just feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. No happiness, no sadness, no anger, no satisfaction, no regret, nothing! Yet, I hope. I hope that something someday might happen which could change all of this. I wish I could feel happy/sad/angry, whatever, for just one brief moment without thinking about whats going to happen the moment I stop smiling, or screaming, or being gloomy as hell. Scoring probably the highest in the class has still somehow not given me the kick it always used to give. Maybe its the times, maybe its just me.
I wish it were only the times and nothing else, 'coz I'm still optimistic about them changing. But if its me, its more serious that this. Or maybe not. I don't want to do anything, I just don't feel like doing anything constructive. Yet, when I actually don't do anything, I start feeling bad about not doing what I could have done when I choose not to do it. Yeah, well, funny as it may sound (yet again!), its not!
What now!?
Bed or Comp?
We'll see..